let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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