If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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