I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
