sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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