you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize