So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
