I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
