My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
