biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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