Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
