i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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