And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
