im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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