i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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