i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
