Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
