I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
