She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize