I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
