Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
