between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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