I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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