dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
