Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
