The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My life is pants optional.
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