Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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