The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
