I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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