hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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