actually, I'm a sock model
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
