Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize