Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
