ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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