Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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