the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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