the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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