Swine flu. Run for my life!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
