I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
