the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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