Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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