i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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