I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just cropdusted the office
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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