Banned from zoo.
Again?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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