walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
