I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
