so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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