I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
