he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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