I think my vagina is haunted
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
