butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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