I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize