i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
