Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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