I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
