I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
