Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
