Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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