I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
