what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
birth control should be required to get into college
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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