Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
