I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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