I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
