What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
